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The Jary Files - The Virgin's Guide To Shagging

11/5/2015

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Have you ever struggled to get your bone on? We can't all be like Ray, but I am here to help you. 

Shagging is an art. Unfortunately being good at shagging is zero help when it comes to getting a shag, which is little consolation seeing as I know that you internet guys are all virgins. It's the old saying goes, the internet: Where the men are men, the women are men and the kids are the police. That last part is especially true, Uncle Tone met a 14 year old girl off the internet once and she turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age? 
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Anyway, that is where I come in. I am going to share my wealth of experience at getting a shag, especially with you, loyal Foul reader. 

This is the Virgins Guide to Shagging.

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The Jary Files - Jary's News Review

21/3/2015

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I have been watching the news this week instead of reading your letters. I know that doesn't help you virgin losers much, but I had a week off from shagging. Well, I only shagged one bird a day, but that counts as a week off for me. I say one bird a day, one different bird. It still counts as a week off though. Anyway, here is my quick capsule review of the weeks news stories and that.
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The Jary Files - The Science of Shagging

11/3/2015

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I don't know if you are aware, but I'm a bit of a pseudo intellectual. I do a lot of skimming of high brow stuff, purely to make myself look clever for the women. Now, I know a lot of you think that science and sex are worlds apart, mainly because scienticians are all nerdy virgins, but trust me, I have developed a number of sciencical theories about sex and about why I get so much sex. If you're a sciencer you should probably stop reading now, I know you don't like shagging. But if you have a dick and want to use it, keep reading son!
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The Jary Files - Nightclubs, Fun Clubs and Fan Clubs

20/2/2015

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Alright, shaggers. The lads at Foul Entertainment said I should come and do a blog. I said I was too busy shagging. And I was. Then they said something about meeting a deadline, but I was too busy to remember when that was (Shagging). Apparently it was today. So I'm gonna just talk about clubs for a bit, then get back to better things (More shagging, etc.).
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Image Component: tntmagazine.com
Pictured: Better things/Typical Tuesday afternoon
Anyway, read on for stuff about Tom Cruise, bird sanctuaries and Rolf's Cartoon club. Oh, and shagging.

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Jary's 50 Shades Special - 'Magnificent Shagger' Preview

14/2/2015

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I don't read books. I haven't even read a wank rag since I got the internet in 1999. So, when I saw the trailer last week for Fifty shades of Grey, it really curdled my spunk. It really fucked me off, because I had that idea years ago. Let's flash back a bit.

1997; A young Jary is sitting in his bedroom. He's just emptied his spuds onto a copy of 'Mammoth Melons Monthly'. He has an idea. “What if a ginger bloke managed to pull birds by being a massive rich twat?”. Admittedly, I had watched the best of Boris Becker earlier on Channel 4, but fuck off it was my idea. I always had my best ideas post wank; That is how I came up with 'WankApp'. Basically, if your phone detects you are using it one handed it stops you from phoning or texting anyone. That might sound like a stupid idea, but I always get the urge to text an ex half way through a wank, so this App stops any post ejaculation cancelling of plans.

Back to last week, and I became increasingly angry that this obviously large woman, E.L. James, had blatantly stolen my idea. So, to remedy this, I decided to finish writing my own erotic fiction. Slated to be released next year, here are some selected excerpts from 'Magnificent Shagger'!
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Image Component Credits: nydailynews.com, favcars.com

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